The big fat reason why I think you secretly love feeling overwhelmed.
Controversial statement I know. But listen listen listen, there’s some juicy-juice to be taken away from this week’s blog post!
Especially if you and overwhelm hang out A LOT.
Now I’m guessing you know overwhelm intimately at this stage. You go way back, you got history, you know things about each other that no-one else knows, and your relationship status together is probably more than ‘complicated’, right? 😄 You can’t live with it, (but for some super-frustrating reason) you can’t live without it either. It’s always freaking THERE. Even if/when you can’t feel it, you just know it’s lurking, sniffing around, ready to pounce and swallow you up.
Let’s take a quick look at when it happens.
Sometimes she sneaks in when you’ve said ‘yes’ to one too many things. Sometimes she sneaks in when you’ve set unrealistic expectations of yourself and your work (oh hai perfection 👋). Sometimes she sneaks in when you’ve lost focus on your goal and you begin to faff and procrastinate. Sometimes she sneaks in when you’ve chosen to put all your energy into fear and worry over something out of your control. And of course, there’s more.
Now let’s take a quick look at what it feels like when it shows up.
Sometimes it shows up as a flood of teary emotion. Sometimes it shows up as a physically heavy sensation you’re carrying. Sometimes it shows up as tension throughout your body, particularly back and shoulder tension and a clenched jaw. Sometimes it shows up as shallow breathing or breathlessness. Sometimes it shows up as a racing heart rate. And of course, there’s more here too.
So how on earth could you LOVE that? How the bejaysus could feeling the often unbearable weight of overwhelm be something you secretly love?! Have you lost your mind Kerry!?
Well no, I haven’t 😊 and I don’t know if you noticed, but there’s a common theme running throughout every single instance when overwhelm happens. Did you spot what it was?
You’re sub-consciously CHOOSING to sabotage yourself, ignore your instincts and set yourself up to ‘fail’. Yuh-huh. And this is why you secretly love it, because:
👉 Overwhelm keeps you safe and where you are! 👈
BOOM! 👊🖐🎤 That’s right! Every time you slip into overwhelm and go under, every time you choose to be swallowed up by your choices within your lifestyle, your perspective, your beliefs, all these things – you’re getting yourself off the hook from doing something that feels uncomfortable! Granted, it’s highly likely to be a sub-conscious decision over conscious, but it’s a decision you’re making all the same.
When I first learnt this, I was like mind = blown.
And if you’re not quite at mind = blown status just yet, let’s just unpick the examples I ran with earlier to give you some context;
Sometimes she sneaks in when you’ve said ‘yes’ to one too many things.
The alternative that you didn’t want to do because it feels uncomfortable = respecting your boundaries, saying no, and potentially disappointing people.
Sometimes she sneaks in when you’ve set unrealistic expectations of yourself and your work.
The alternative that you didn’t want to do because it feels uncomfortable = doing something imperfectly, being open to being criticised, setting more realistic expectations of yourself (that mean you can’t blame anything/anyone else anymore for not making stuff happen).
Sometimes she sneaks in when you’ve lost focus on your goal and you begin to faff and procrastinate.
The alternative that you didn’t want to do because it feels uncomfortable = actually going all-in and committing to your goal to put yourself in the vulnerable position of finding out, once and for all, whether you’re able to get the results you want or not.
Sometimes she sneaks in when you’ve chosen to put all your energy into fear and worry over something out of your control.
The alternative that you didn’t want to do because it feels uncomfortable = choosing to BE and FEEL in control (because then you have to take responsibility for the outcome), choosing to then believe in yourself, choosing to believe what you want is possible, and choosing to believe you’re deserving.
And of course, there’s more.
Now listen, I ‘get’ the pay-offs of being (and staying) overwhelmed. I do them myself. In fact, everyone does, no-one’s immune! But you can get way way better at nipping it in the bud. Now you know what you now know, developing this self-awareness within yourself is so so KEY. Just planting that seed of knowingness, beginning to sniff out the undercover-agenda of your decisions, starting the process of taking control is insanely powerful in limiting your susceptibility to overwhelm in the future. I promise you, I’ve gone from at least weekly episodes of overwhelm, to once or twice a year if that. And when they do pop-up, I know I have the power to squash ‘em relatively quickly.
So yep, it IS possible to grab overwhelm by the balls. Even if you secretly love it 😉
I hope that’s been of some help for you lovely. If you feel like it has helped in some way, and you want more of where this has come from, come head over and join my free Imperfectionistas Facebook group! Me and my girls would love to have you! 😍
Until next weekend gorgeous face 💋 mmmmmwah!