Why a perfect life doesn't equal a happy life (in fact, quite the opposite).

Consider this my friend: the biggest reason you're unhappy is because – you're too desperately trying to FIND happy.

It's a contradiction in terms and it's in danger of reading like it makes no sense I know, but let it simmer and it makes absolute sense!  😄 Y'see, in your hellbent quest to reach this 'perfect vision' of happiness (or what you envisage ultimate happiness to look and feel like for you), you're battling through trying to tick an ever-evolving list of life's tickboxes; assuming that's your route there. BUT! ☝🏻...

Happiness is NOT a destination you reach when all your life-tickboxes are ticked! Happiness really does come through loving the unticked life-tickboxes you’ve already got.
— Kerry Lyons

So let's look at this perfect tick-list of life for a second, and correct me if I'm wrong;

✔  You want a dream career.

✔  You want a perfect relationship.

✔  You want a dream home.

✔  You want a poppin' social life.

✔  You want to never have to worry about money. 

✔  You wanna look and feel amazing. 

And d'ye know what? I don't blame you honey! This life we live is a one-time-only event, why the feck shouldn't you want to love it with all your insides and fill it with all these wonderful things?! Well y'see, wanting and working towards finding these things isn't the issue here...

...what is the issue here, is you convincing yourself you can't be happy until you find them.

Let's, for argument's sake say that you ticked off all these things and life actually looked like your version of 'perfect'. Do you think you'd then be truly happy? Of course not!  😂 [And I'm not saying that in an attempt to depress you! I'm saying it in an attempt to help you feel happier way way sooner]  ❤️️ You wouldn't then be happy because, 1) Happiness simply isn't a destination you wake up one morning and 'arrive' at after a series of 'ticks', and 2) You'll never reach the 'end' of your life-tickboxes, because new stuff/new standards of perfection/new levels of expectations will always come up.

And this is the case in point; because you're eternally waiting for 'perfect' to arrive, you're stifling a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for happiness that's already here! 

Sooooo, how can you flip the script?

Try to accept that the bumps are beautiful.

Not just in the physical sense [ooh la la 💃], but the bumps in the road of life. Challenges, obstacles, stuff you need to work through obviously feel wholly crappy at the time, but focusing on that is short-term thinking. If you pause to look at the bigger picture for a moment – the bumps can be transformed into hugely positive experiences, and they become huge opportunities to learn and grow from (like how my experience with depression became the foundation for my starting a purposeful business). There's so much beauty inside each and every one of them – they're not things you should try and avoid at all costs.

Try to accept that a change of plan can still work out.

Maybe things aren't going in the direction, or the order that you'd originally planned, but have you ever considered, a new, wiggly, scenic-route there might just be better (or make you happier) than your original plan?!  🤔  I think if you limit yourself from taking risks and making changes because you're terrified of not making perfect decisions, or in fact making 'wrong' choices, you're not only doing your gut instinct a huge disservice, but you're also not allowing yourself any opportunity for discovery. (Besides, how can it possibly be a 'wrong' choice if you don't know where it's going to lead you?!)

I think if you work a helluva lot harder at noticing, appreciating and taking in the sights of a majestic detour, and spend way less time trying to shoehorn a new route you find yourself on to fit some societal 'norm', you're gonna be a happy convert to the non-plan-plan before you know it  😊 

Try to accept that NO-ONE has it alllll.

Not even Beyoncé! I mean as much as we all probably felt cheated on when Jay-Z cheated on her, I think it was so powerful of her to share that experience – it not only humanised her, but it cemented the fact that no-one has it all. Not even Beyoncé. We all struggle, we all wish things were different sometimes, and we all hurt.

But still, it's so easy to convince yourself that everyone but you does have it all, so you need to work a lot harder at truly accepting this anti-truth. Because with you marking yourself against people and assuming they have it all, they have it perfect, or they're happier than you, all you're doing is feeding your feelings of inadequacy and lack mentality. And what do feelings of inadequacy and a lack mentality breed? More feelings of inadequacy and a deeper lack mentality! So instead, if you go forth with the assumption that everyone is struggling with something (which I believe they are), you totally minimise your feelings of lack, and absolutely maximise your opportunity for happiness.

Try to accept that you're doing a good job.

K, so listen to me now: you are doing a good job honey. It might not feel like it some days, weeks, months or even years, but you absolutely are. You might not be where you want to be in life, or you might not have ticked as many life-tickboxes as you'd hoped you would've by now. But you're a good person, you love and are loved, you're a talented fecker with so much to offer the world, and where you're at right now? Is actually more than fine. The only time is doesn't feel fine, is when you choose to listen to your inner critic – telling yourself you're doing a crappy job.

Now at my guess, that hasn't worked so well for your happiness stakes so far. Ammi right? Repeatedly telling yourself that you suck, you're useless, you're hopeless, you're...less. So let's change it up and try something new shall we? See what happens?  😁 Instead, turn up the volume on your inner cheerleader and force yourself to say that you're in fact, doing a good job. No, you haven't 'arrived' or 'made it', but nor do you need those things to allow yourself to feel happy, today. Try it on for size for a week and see how it fits!

Try to remember that tomorrow isn't promised.

So yep, I'm closing on a morbid angle I'm not gonna lie. But it's such an important one. If you woke up to an email this morning that told you that this is it – today is your last day as a human on this planet. What would you truly want to absorb from your day ahead? Sure there might be a slice of wanting to go and do something frivolous like spending loadsa cash you don't have (because you also don't have to pay it back!), or squeezing in some kinda sky-dive from a bucket list. But my guess is that bigger than those things, will be you wanting to absorb all the tiny, beautiful things you already have in your life; the things that make your life yours; the things that make the thought of leaving them super-sad...

The taste of some chilled Cadbury chocolate; the smell of someone you love with all your heart; the sound of the wind blowing through the trees, the cackle of someone who forever makes you laugh; the hug of someone who always has your corner...I mean I could go on for days...but you get the picture. All those seemingly insignificant things that you've forgotten bring you so much joy and happiness, all those senses that you'd wanna fill your last day as a human on this planet with – you. have. all. these. things. Right now. So remind yourself how happy they make you, today. Because sadly, tomorrow isn't promised for any of us.

I hope this post has given you some new perspectives to try out, or even just something to think about. If you feel this has helped you in some way, I'd love to hear from you in the comments to find out how.

Until next weekend cuteypants 💋

Big love and all the feels, Kerry :D