Why worrying about what people think is holding you back more than you know.
You’ve got dreams. You’ve got big ideas. And when you uncover them, they make you crazy-excited, right? So excited, you perhaps choose to share them with someone close to you…and then they don’t get it 😩 Waaaah! (And then you’re crushed).
The obvious next step is to just squash the big idea right? Forget about the dream? Oh, and also give yourself a dig for being so ridiculous for daring to dream in the first place too. Can’t forget the lil’ side order of self-beat-uppery ay 😉 Maybe it’s something along the lines of ‘Ha ha, you’re an idiot! Of course that’s a stupid idea, it’s your idea!’
This is a juicy one this week, right? *rubs palms together eagerly* How many times have you experienced that feeling? You’re either completely crestfallen when your ‘next bright idea’ is shot down by the sound of rolling eyeballs, or the prospect of ‘putting yourself out there’ for people to judge you is just too unbearable to imagine. Either way or both ways, worrying what people think is well and truly in. your. way.
But why is it in my way Kez?
It’s in your way because in your mind, you feel that you need that external validation that you are in fact good enough, before you’d ever allow one moment to believe in yourself and go forth and conquer. And of course, because you never believe in yourself enough for the outside world to be in a position to validate that you’re good enough – you’re well and truly stuck!
It’s also in your way because in your mind, until someone can promise you that you won’t be criticised, critiqued or judged, the prospect of it is too terrifying to ever consider dipping your toe into being in a position where you might be criticised, critiqued or judged! And because no-one could ever realistically promise you anything of the sort – you’re well and truly stuck!
[Side-note pep-talk: The world is judgey. People are judging you whether you do it or don’t do it btw. So in my mind, may as well do you what you wanna do and feck ‘em!]
And I’ll be straight with you honey. Being worried (or strongly-affected) about what others think is something I uncover in pretty much every single coaching call that I have with my clients. It’s a huge deal that you’re certainly not alone in being affected by.
But why is it holding me back more than I know Kez?
Because you’re putting every ounce of your value and power in someone else’s hands! Seriously. Just meditate on that for a moment and re-read that last sentence, because I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t tolerate that in any other area of your life. Imagine you allowed those ‘other people’ (whoever they show up as in your life), to have control of your bank account, control of your home, control of what you wear, control of what you eat, control of every word that comes out of your mouth. It seems pretty extreme and bizarre right? Of course you wouldn’t tolerate that.
But that’s exactly what you are doing. On a much deeper, more damaging level.
You’re allowing someone else to dictate how you feel. You’re allowing someone else to dictate what’s possible for you. You’re allowing someone else to dictate your future.
And while it’s super-easy to throw shade at our doubters, to blame those around us for not believing in us, to wish that the outside world just didn’t judge so we could be free to live out our dreams and ideas criticism-free, throwing shade and blame and wishing isn’t gonna make a blind bit of difference. Because it’s exactly that – the super-easy response = to put the responsibility anywhere but on our shoulders.
But my sweet treasure, it’s 100% your responsibility to manage how much you worry about what people think. It’s 100% your responsibility to take control of how much value and power you’re handing over. It’s 100% your responsibility to find the courage to not let what other people think stop you. It’s nothing to do with the people around you and what they say, and it’s everything to do with you and how you’re choosing to interpret it.
No-one needs to ‘get’ your dreams but you.
Just to give you a wee example; since I quit my ‘day job’ and went rogue (!), since I sold my house(s) and moved countries –[ I did it twice!] 😄, since I started The Imperfect Life®, since I started blogging, since I started creating the planner, since I started coaching, NOBODY I knew understood what I was doing with my life! 😂 No-one! They’d ask questions bless ‘em, they tried to understand what the hell I was doing and/or thinking. But they didn’t ‘get it’ (and I still don’t think my parents do! 😄 Ha!) But it does. not. matter. Because d’ye know who’s living this ol’ life of mine? Not my folks. Not my friends. Not my peers. MOI!
So the question I want to leave you with is, who’s living your life honey?
Something to think about ay 😉
I hope this post has made you think and helped you in some way, if you think it might help someone you know, it’d mean so much if you shared it with them. Thanks so much for reading.
Until next weekend gorgeous face 💋