Tough love: I know why you’re not reaching your goals honey.
Now I know this seemingly sits out of place with the last two posts in this series of goal-smashing, but hear me out a paragraph or two before you close me 😇 this is worth the read.
I totally get that I’ve told you ‘this is a really effective way of goal-setting’, and then I’ve told you ‘this is a really effective way of goal-planning’, (and they still 100% are btw!) but then I go and drop a tough love bomb of ‘now you’re doing it wrong’ 😂ha! I get why you might be confused – but there’s method to my madness! Stay with me. You’re not necessarily doing it wrong…yet. But assuming you’ve excitedly set your goals, planned them out, and now you’re in the process of action-taking and making them happen, what happens when the winds of motivation change, what happens when you lose your mojo or your patience, or what happens when you either wanna quit on your goals, or…you actually do?
How do you ensure your goals don’t suffer the same short shelf life this time around? YOU READ THIS POST because I know why you’re not reaching your goals honey!
So here’s the thing. You’ve got a goal or a couple of goals that you’re now crazy-excited and motivated about (yessss, thanks post one of four! 🙌). You’ve also carved out a loose plan for the next three months and you kinda know what you need to do to at least start (awesome, thanks post two of four! 👊) But erm, then what? You dip your toe in a lil bit, maybe you have a good flow of a few days, then maybe feel a bit of anxiety and out-of-your-depth-ness, your self-belief wanes, you get distracted, procrastinate a lot, find busy-ness in a bunch of other unproductive tasks and before you know it, three months have been and gone in the blink of an eye, without you doing a tap towards what you’d set out to do! 😩Ugh, and here we are again. Fail-town, population = us. The frustration is just palpable innit, and annoyingly it feels so predictable. I mean, why do we even bother?! 🙄
I’ll tell you why. Because you are 100% entitled to the life you want and deserve honey 👉 YOU. Yes you. AND you need to fight for it! You just might need to try a different strategy designing it tis all. That’s why I’m here. And how do I know how cack this level of frustration feels for you? Because this is my life too honey! 😁 You’re sooooo not alone if you’re battling between frustration with yourself, frustration with your circumstances and frustration with this feeling of an inability to change. I hear you, and I feel you completely 🙏 But lemme share what’s really helped me, like insanely so, because it might just help you too.
First of all, trying to create positive change from a headspace of lack and negativity is a certifiable losing strategy. You probably already know that, I definitely already know that. But that doesn’t stop it feeling like a catch 22 sitch does it? Because you know you can’t/won’t feel happy and content, until you get what or where you want, right?
And this is where things get mega interesting so humour me on the woo-woo-ness for a sec 😁
You attract what you are, so your life right now is essentially a reflection of you and your actions until this point. YOU are responsible for your repeated patterns of behaviour, so have an honest think about who you have been to create this cycle. Have you been ‘all in’ on these goals, or have you prioritised other things? Have you been committed to seeing this change you want in your life, or have you been fearful of what change might mean? Have you been determined to keep going when things are challenging, or have you been complacent perhaps in thinking it should come easier to you? Now while I appreciate this may sting and it doesn’t make you feel particularly good, (it certainly didn’t feel great for me when I was delivered this bombshell of an arm-dig), but please, let it soak in and be honest with yourself here. Because what it does mean, is that when you do let in that honesty, when you do level with yourself and where you are – you have the power to change stuff too. And I’m gonna show you how.
In a nutshell – you’ve been doing things back to front.
Have you heard of the term ‘Have Do Be’? It doesn’t matter if you haven’t because I’ll give you a lil’ lowdown 👊 but if you have, try and stay with me anyway so we’re both on the same page and interpreting it in the same way. It’s essentially a coaching model backed by some of the most successful life coaches on the planet, but I think it probably dates back to the beginning of time because it kinda underpins the basics of human psychology.
Anyway – what it is, is when you operate from a space of ‘Have Do Be’ or Do Have Be’, you’re approaching your particular ‘issue’ or ‘goal’ completely back to front. Let me explain. Do either of these sound familiar?
This is ‘Have Do Be’. If this sounds like your inner monologue, you’re in a loop of waiting for external factors to change before you can progress, which means you’re operating from the space of a victim. And I know that’s harsh honey, but honesty in where you’re at is crucial to create change. (If you really want change that is – another question to ask yourself, honestly).
This is ‘Do Have Be’. If this sounds like your inner monologue, you’re in a loop of being defined by what you do so you become stupid-busy and burnt out without the results you want, which means you’re operating from the space of a servant. You’re in a hamster-wheel of ‘the more I have, the more there is to lose, so the harder I work’. And because we know that having more things doesn’t equal happiness, you never ‘arrive’ at happy.
So which is the right way around?
I’m so glad you asked! 😇 And make sure you’re sitting comfortably for this one because it might just blow your mind 😁 …
👉 it’s nothing to do with what you need to *HAVE* before you can start, or what work you need to *DO*…
But it’s E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G about who you need to 👉BE 👈
[The right way around = Be Do Have]
Lick your chops a couple o’ times and salivate on that for a sec, because it’s ✨GOLD DUST ✨
It’s nothing to do with what you need to have, or what work you need to do, but it’s everything to do with who you need to be. I don’t know about you but when I heard that for the first time, and I mean reeeeally heard that, I was like W.O.W. Goosebumps, chills, the works.
So instead of worrying about all the stuff you don’t have, all the stuff you need to do, all the ways in which you’ve ‘failed’ in the past and have never been able to get what you want yet, ask yourself firstly – what is it that I reeeeeally want? (Post #1 of this four part series is super-handy here). And then ask, who would I be if I had that right now? What would I do if I had that right now? How would I feel if I had that right now? BE that person first, and then you can work out how to finally DO things differently, to finally unite you with what you want to HAVE.
K, I want change Kerry. So where can I start?
For me, the very best place to start, is from a place of gratitude. Quit with the peeping into what everyone else is doing and what everyone else has, it’s irrelevant information in your own journey. And instead, deeply explore your own lil’ universe as if you were a visitor, maybe even from the tail-ends of extreme poverty; and I mean physical and mental. Imagine you were someone who has nothing – no family, no friends, no home, no prospects, no possessions, with poor health and poor communication too. How would you see your world from that perspective, and everything that’s in it? Give yourself some time to really look at it with fresh eyes and don’t leave a stone unturned. Explore your own lil’ universe with your own lil’ happiness bank, noting all the truly wonderful things in your life. From the precious people around you, to the clothes on your back, to the WiFi or data that’s allowing you to read this post. All. The. Things.
When you do this and feel thankful for everything you do have with you on your journey, when you allow yourself to look past the giant beams of light you’re always tirelessly scrambling to reach, you open yourself up to noticing the boundless sparkles of glitter that are already there in your every day. You start to BE the abundant, whole, ‘successful’, loving-life-person you hoped to be once you reach your goals ❤️️and you can step into that person as early as today.
If this post has made you think, I’d LOVE it if you’d let me know your biggest takeaway in the comments below (or if you’re too much of a introvert, just sharing this with someone close to you who you think it might help would be equally AMAZING) 🙏
Until next time gorgeous face 💋