The number one way to be 100% okay with being 100% yourself.
I decided to write about this as it follows on from last week's post so juicily :) A self-sabotaging inner voice + being fearful of being yourself = two peas in one delightfully, (very common) self-bashing-pod.
When you think about it, it's almost a little comical what we put ourselves through init?! Telling ourselves on the daily that we're not good enough, convincing ourselves no-one will love and respect the 'real us' and getting some sick kick out of making ourselves feel small. I mean, it's a little bit barmy what we let ourselves get away with. Or should I say, what we've let ourselves get away with in the past...because it stops right here, right now. Because I just said so! 😇 So there 😜
Seriously though, if you're battling to find the confidence to truly be yourself, then I think you're gonna like this. Whether you wanna feel confident to be yourself and be respected in your work, or just generally in your life as a whole, you will need to make a decision today to be defiant about changing your mindset from hereon in. The only way this is gonna come off, is if you make a commitment to persist at it. Because when the going gets tough, and you wanna recoil back into your self-bashing-pod I mentioned, you're gonna need that defiance. Do you promise? 😊
So what if I told you, you 100% have the power already in you to be 100% yourself, and I know that because you've actually already proven it? We might've only just met, but I know you've already displayed your unique free-spirit to the world, and weren't in the least bit self-conscious about it either. I know you've already loved yourself so much, that it wouldn't have even entered your head what other people might've thought about you. I know you've already been 100% defiant in your wants and needs in this world, and wouldn't have even considered settling for anything less. And I know you've already been 100% crystal clear in communicating how you want people to treat you too.
And I know because you've done it before, so you can 100% do it again. All you have to do is;
👉🏻 Channel your three year old you.
Now hear me out on this, because I suspect this may sound a little bananas at first.
But think about this; you were three at some point. You were free-spirited and the furthest from self-conscious ("Yes Mommy 🙄 of course wellies, swimming togs, a magician's hat and a wooly jumper are the perfect combo for going to the shops"). You were so in-love with yourself that you wouldn't think twice about kissing your reflection in the mirror multiple times a day 💁🏻 or rubbing your bulging belly with pride after a good meal. You were 100% defiant in your needs, regardless of what that meant for those around you (3am: "Mommmmmm...I need a driiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiink"). And if anyone dared cross you, boy did they know about it ("Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrgggghhhhhh that's MY SANDCASTLE!!!") 😂
You (yes you) were this free-spirited, defiant, confident, self-respecting little person. Yes, three year old you still had a lot to learn obvs, but they also did a helluva lot right y'know? Wouldn't it be awesome to be able to rediscover those parts of you that you've since squashed into tiny pieces and hidden?
So how do you try and reignite those three year old values in yourself? How do you channel your three year old you? Well I'm glad you asked 😎
Dance and sing like a three year old on a karaoke machine. Yep, you heard me right.
I know when you're not feeling particularly nice about yourself, the last thing you wanna do is dance and sing about the place. In fact, I'm guessing you've already rolled your eyes and skipped on to the next tip. But y'see that in itself is a massive part of your issue my friend. You've very most likely taken life a bit too seriously of late. You've gotten so bogged down in the weight and pressure of adult life, you've forgotten how valuable the real gift of having freedom and being alive is. So your only option, is to force yourself to loosen up and lighten up a bit 😁 push yourself out of the normal, serious you, throw on some music (I suspect some 70s, 80s or 90s cheese-tastic tunes will be most effective), and just freaking loosen up that uptight body! Your silly three year-old-you will start to emerge in no time.
Skip instead of walk.
This isn't a required method of transport e.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e. you go mind. But I really want you to push yourself to be more silly in the public realm, as your three year-old-you did, and skipping is the perfect way to warm into that. I mean, who doesn't like to see someone skipping!? Haven't you thought, 'Man, I wish I was that happy and having that much fun...' – well guess what honey, you can skip whenever the hell you want with those gorge legs of yours! Whether you choose to hop, skip, or jump, the essence of this exercise is just to stop being so afraid to be silly in public, lose some of your uptight inhibitions, and try to skip like a bish once in a while.
And I don't just mean in a creepy spontaneous way with people you either don't know or don't really want to hug with. Nothing more uncomfortable than an empty hug ay. I'm talking about making a concerted effort to show more affection to people you care about; spontaneous hugs with your partner while making dinner maybe, out-of-the-blue hugs with your mate when they make you smile perhaps, impulsive hugs with your folks for no real reason at all – basically just increasing the physical contact you have with humans that mean something to you 👉🏻 and showing physcial affection as your three year-old-you would.
Do more stuff that you want to do.
Isn't it lovely being a compromising soul; being that easy-going one that 'doesn't mind' and constantly says 'I'm easy', following the crowd like a dutiful, laid-back sheep? Actually no, it's not lovely. Because those compromising souls never put themselves first and do the things they want to do either. And that's not what you're about anymore. You know yourself and what you want, and that's 100% okay. This was actually a crucial part of me tapping into my three year-old-me more. And probably a lot to do with the drastic decisions I ended up having to make to break out of this cycle, hopefully you aren't as deep into needing to put yourself first as much as I was! But before you ask 👉🏻 no, hearing what your heart wants and voice sounds like does not a b*tch make. You're simply learning the ropes of being 100% okay with being 100% yourself. And that's awesome.
Write a letter to three year-old you with your non-writing hand.
Say you got another go at doing this life. Say you had an opportunity to write a letter to your three year-old-you and prep them for the future. What would you say to them? What little warning signs would you tell them to watch out for? What would you encourage them to never give up on? What childlike qualities would you tell them never to lose? Writing with your non-writing hand is intentional for a couple of reasons; 1) it makes it a cuter exercise seeing yourself create childlike handwriting again, and 2) you won't be able to rush it because you'll be concentrating so hard on gripping that pen (altogether now ..."like your three year-old-you would") 😁
You'd be right in thinking that just doing these tasks as a one-off isn't going to change much. You need to make a concerted effort to bring back your inner child as often as you possibly can. It won't be an overnight 'click' of a change when you suddenly feel content in being yourself, but I promise you, if you commit to persist at this kind of behaviour, at loosening up, at not taking yourself seriously, at appreciating the moment and the people you care about, you will see results. And as a result, you begin to reap the rewards of reverting back to how your three year-old-you saw the world too;
You slowly start to begin to stop caring what people think.
And you realise your unique, flawed, bonkers version of 'you' is just as worthy as anyone else's 'them'.
You accept yourself as a whole, imperfections and all.
You'll begin to realise that your flaws aren't going anywhere, no matter how hard you've tried to beat them out of yourself. And also that no-one else's flaws are going anywhere either. You'll remind yourself that no-one is perfect, and that's exactly how it should be.
You take control again.
Bit by bit, you'll build in confidence to defend and protect your true self, and no longer tolerate anyone taking the p*ss out of your giving nature either. If you don't want to do something, the courage to pipe up and say you don't will get easier and easier, and the confidence to also say you disagree with someone's opinion will also come as an effortless side-effect.
And hey presto 👉🏻 you're 100% okay with being 100% yourself, and you'll also feel okay that anyone who doesn't dig that, is told exactly where to go! 🙌🏻 So are you ready to give this a try and persist at it? I'd love to know how you get on in the comments below or over on Instagram.
If you enjoyed reading this, it'd just be the coolest thing ever if you gave it a share 😇 until next weekend gorgeous face, love yooooooou 💋