'I pledge to provide a safe place for you to be 100% yourself, celebrate your flaws and help you find your happy'.

Kerry 💋

Here's your number 1 trick to finally find the courage to say 'no'.

Here's your number 1 trick to finally find the courage to say 'no'.

I'm guessing there's two key reasons you chose to read this post, 1) you're one people-pleaser extraordinaire (like me), and 2) your complete inability to say no (like me) has pretty much pushed your sanity to the edge.

Am I anywhere close?!  😁 Well let's see if we can put an end to this teetering-on-the-edge-of-your-sanity babycakes and instead turn this baby around – because if I can do it, then omigosh you absolutely can!  

So how many times have you said 'yes' to something that you actually wanted to say 'no' to? A million-trillion times? Maybe a bazillion?!  😊 And then out of those no-doubt countless times, how many yesses-of-obligation were followed by you resenting/seething at the person you said 'yes' to? Mostly unbeknownst to them?  🤔 Now let me ask you, how did that seethe-fest feel for you? Sh*te right? And did that person get the best from you whilst you were seething? Of course not! And this is where we wanna start this turnaround with – what forever-saying-yes does to you and the people asking you. So;

When a mate or family member asks you...

...if they can borrow something you don't particularly want to lend them / if you'll help them with something you reeeeally don't have the time for / if you'll do them a favour for something that for whatever reason just doesn't sit right with you...

When a boss or client asks you...

...to work late or unsociable hours / to take on a task or project that legit makes you feel like your whole fleet of already-spinning-plates is gonna collapse / to do something that feels against your principles...

When an acquaintance asks you...

...if they can 'borrow' you for a non-specific meet-up when you're already crazy-busy / if they can 'pick your brain' on something when your brain feels suitably picked-to-bits already / if you'll donate or lend your time or money for a cause you've zero interest in...

...or even if a mish-mash of those requests (or more!) came from a mish-mash of askers – how can you draw a line? What's your number 1 trick to finally find the courage to say no?

👉🏻 You've got to reframe your 'no' as being an act of care and consideration in your mind; for you and for them.

You need to soak in the fact that saying 'no' isn't an act of aggression, a lack of courtesy, rudeness or selfishness. Saying 'no' is often the kindest, most caring, most considerate decision for everyone concerned. (Especially for you, which is mine and your priority right now!) Y'see, when you say 'yes' when you want to say 'no', what happens is that you automatically trigger a rise in your stress-o-meter levels, which inevitably affects your heart rate, and potentially your blood pressure too. You also acquire an extra-thick layer of increasing-resentment because yet again, someone else is getting put before yourself. Then whatever you happen to be doing that you don't wanna be doing, you do a half-arsed job of it too because you just don't wanna be there either! You're making a choice to carry all those negative vibes around with you most days of the week, just because you couldn't say 'no' when you wanted to! Sounds a bit silly now in hindsight dunnit?

Instead, just responding quickly (don't leave 'em hanging), truthfully (no fibs), without apologising ('cause you're not doing anything wrong!) and giving a reason to your response is a sure-fire fix for any 'no' you need to wop out the bag.

So the next time a mate or family member asks you...

...if they can borrow something you don't particularly want to lend them / if you'll help them with something you reeeeally don't have the time for / if you'll do them a favour for something that for whatever reason just doesn't sit right with you...

...and you wanna say 'no', think of the actual repercussions here of begrudgingly saying 'yes' vs. what would happen if you were just honest. Prefacing things like "You know I adore you but..." or "You know our relationship means everything but..." can do wonders for softening what you envisage to be some horrendous, low blow. And d'ye know what? It's probably not a quarter as dramatic for them as it feels for you. (And even if it does sting them for whatever reason, they will get over it). And you will be stress-less, doing what you want/need to do with your time and be resentment-free!  🙌🏻

So the next time a boss or client asks you...

...to work late or unsociable hours / to take on a task or project that legit makes you feel like your whole fleet of already-spinning-plates is gonna collapse / to do something that feels against your principles...

...and you wanna say 'no', try telling them what you're already juggling and you're struggling to see a window to do a proper job of things for them / try telling them it's not really your forte so you don't feel you could deliver something of quality for them / or try telling them the approach doesn't sit so well with you and instead offer an alternative (maybe you've got some thoughts around how a, b, c could work instead). Whatever way you handle whatever the no-sitch, your accumulating resentment needs to be replaced with a boundary of some sort so they can see where you draw your line and don't attempt to cross it again. And that's non-negotiable, k?  😇(...and you can't say no)  😂 ha!

So the next time an acquaintance asks you...

...if they can 'borrow' you for a non-specific meet-up when you're already crazy-busy / if they can 'pick your brain' on something when your brain feels suitably picked-to-bits already / if you'll donate or lend your time or money for a cause you've zero interest in...

...and you wanna say 'no', ask them to be specific in their request so you can get a clearer picture of whether you can/want to help / be frank in your own personal lack of availability, but perhaps suggest an alternative person/product/service that might help them / or high-five them on their passion and successes but still politely decline the invitation of your involvement because you're maybe donating somewhere that's personal to you this year.

However you move past these recurring instances of feeling obliged to near-strangers, just keep imagining the weight off your shoulders once you've majestically handled your first 'nope'. Empowering beyond belief I tell ye!  😁And then over time, your limits become more instinctive to you (and more apparent to others), and as a result, you become waaaay more open to receiving stuff you are happy to invest your time in.

And with that I want to leave you with this powerful quote, because y'know, sometimes saying 'yes' to others is a nice thing to do...just as long as it's not at the expense of yourself  ❤️️

“When you say ‘yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘no’ to yourself.”
— Paulo Coelho

I really hope this post has given you some food for thought, and some useful approaches to take with you  🙏🏻 big big love for an awesome week ahead (of saying 'no' and doing what you want with your time! Yay!) 💋

Big love and all the feels, Kerry :D
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