Need constant reassurance and permission in life? This is for you.
The thing is, it's a weird ol' space when you grow up init? In what feels like overnight, we go from being minded, molly-coddled and asking-permission-to-go-poopy, to then being virtually abandoned and shoved out there to survive (and suss this thing called life out) all on our own.
Hardly fair right? 😁 And hardly surprising that we're so easily getting stuck in this loop of needing constant reassurance and permission to check we're doing this life-stuff 'right' either. So where does that leave us? How do we get past this? 👉🏻 Leave it to me...
First thing's first, I think we need to talk about how this approval-y-permission-y behaviour might present itself, so you can recognise it – and then be in a position to do something about it.
How you might be seeking reassurance and permission;
Good news is: your instinct's on-point and in-tune (and by that I mean, you know it's telling you you need to change stuff). Maybe it's a crappy job or relationship – something that you know doesn't feel right for you, and probably hasn't done for ages. But do you think you're gonna act on that instinct? Well no. And why? Because the bad news is: you're forever waiting to be told that it's okay to change stuff in your own life. You're waiting to be given permission to listen to your gut. Just read that last line out loud to yourself to fully absorb it's gravity.
You also might have a bunch of awesome, exciting or maybe even wacky ideas; things that could quite literally transform you, your life, and everything in it positively. Goals that no-one around you has, or would dream of working towards. But! ☝🏻 You're waiting for permission to go for them, you're waiting for the time to be 'right', and you're waiting until you and the people around you think you're 'good enough' too.
But they're losing strategies...
Because what you're doing here, is you're giving a huge slice of yourself, to someone else. Now that might sound selfless on the surface – giving away something of yourself – but it's way more destructive than that.
It's destructive because what it does is – over time, is make you have zero control over your life. Which then makes you resent yourself. Which then makes you feel worthless. Which then makes you feel incapable. Which then makes you feel so useless, you'll probably just quit trying at life altogether. You see where I'm going with this? 👉🏻 Living in a perpetual state of permission-seeking is crazy-detrimental to your sense of self, and even your long-term mental health.
So let's u-turn this baby shall we, and turn it around? 😎
Less of the dark and gloomies, and more with the posivibes. Now we've identified the instances you permission-seek in, and we've gone through what that's been doing to your insides, let's pull this approval-y-ness apart and put it to bed once and for all, yep?
Understand your current need for reassurance isn't a genetic condition. You can change if you want to.
I think it's all-too-easy to feel like you're forever-destined to be stuck in this cycle, but I have fantastic news! 🍻 You're 100% in control of this honey! Now you're aware of what you're doing, if you apply yourself and you want to change, you can legit transform your approach, as early as today! Yes yes yes!
People only see what you show them.
So tell me, what version of you have you shown the people you ask permission from? If you've only shown them meek, mild, lacking in self-belief and overflowing with approval-neediness, of course they're going to assume they know better than you (and with that, they'll probably readily cast their opinions on your life decisions in a heartbeat). But y'know what's mega-cool? They don't get the privilege of poking around inside your mind, so nor do they fully grasp how awesome, smart and badass you are. In fact, they've no freaking idea! So take great satisfaction in surprising them with all that juicy potential and all those fab ideas you've kept locked inside! 💪🏻
Realise people are only interested in themselves.
Which is a good thing btw! This isn't about pointing self-absorbed fingers. But think about it – ultimately, they've got their own lives to navigate and manage honey, so the decisions you make in your life are exactly that – decisions you make in your life. Not theirs. They very well may be able to advise and guide to an extent, but then they go back to their life and you go back to yours. You're the only one really living with the consequences, sooooo you get to steer this ship any way you please. You on board?
Understand there's no 'good time' to do stuff.
(i.e, you're never gonna feel 'ready') and I'm a real-life advocate for this. Sometimes my friend, you've just gotta wrip off that decision-making like a plaster, and leap. Even if you don't really know the answer; even if you don't have permission, (in fact especially if you don't have permission); even if people close to you disagree with you; even if you'd prefer life to be just a little more tidied up and 'in-line'; even if you're not sure if it's 100% the right decision – sometimes, it's just time. All you need is a willingness to wanna change and do what it takes to enjoy your life.
No-one's got this like you have.
So get it gorgeous-face 💋 this is the permission you've been waiting for. For all of it.