How to stay happy when life just keeps getting in the way.
I’ll tell ye something for free. It’s hard staying happy when you’re a perfectionist! Ammi right?! 🙌
Y’know, that heavy feeling like you’re forever waiting for ‘perfect’ to arrive so you can start properly living and finally start being the ‘happy’ you know you want to be. And can be? “But if only I had ABC and was doing XYZ already, then I could be happy, that’s all I need, that’s all I’m waiting for.” Does any of this sound familiar? If it does, then let me ask you this…
Do you remember when you wanted what you currently have?
Think on that for a sec. Do you remember when where you’re at right now was what you were ‘waiting for’ all along? I certainly do. In fact I’ve reached all manner of goals and ‘personal summits’ in my life, but that hankering for more perfection, more achievement, more moreness always reappears. Sometimes mere HOURS after the fact! Do you feel like that too? If you do, this tells me one thing…
Boom! 👊🖐🎤 *mic drop* 😁
So let’s just paint a picture here of what things might look like for you right now. Perhaps you bear the most insane, self-imposed pressure to amount to something. But to couple with that, you’re also insanely terrified that you won’t measure up either.
What this gives you = stuckness + immobility.
Perhaps you’re an off-the-scale people-pleaser with an incessant need to feel appreciated. But to couple with that, you’re so hellbent on needing that praise from others, you sacrifice your personal health and relationships in favour of it.
What this gives you = burnout + distance between you and the ones you love.
Perhaps you’re a pro-procrastinator who’s waiting for that elusive, perfect moment to act. But to couple with that, you beat yourself up so often over the tiniest of mistakes, your fear of failure ensures there’s no point in starting anyway.
What this gives you = confirmation in your mind that it’s impossible to change.
Well y’know what? I’m calling bullsh*t on that confirmation honey! 💩 Because I’ve been in every single one of those mindsets, and I’m acutely aware of how it feels to be there, but omigosh it’s MORE than possible to change how you’re tackling this thing. You’ve just gotta want it.
So how do we turn this baby around? How do we stay happy instead? Well I’ll tell ye!
👉 Play nice.
Of course with other humans, but mostly, with yourself. And it really is that simple – be nice to yourself! Even when, and especially, when you’re not feeling it. When your usual response is to pull and poke and prod at your inadequacies and f*ck ups, shower them with love instead! In fact, there was a super-sweet guy I saw on Channel 4’s First Dates programme that captured what I’m trying to say freaking perfectly;
And do so in every interpretation of the phrase! Your appearance, your imperfections, your circumstances, your limitations. Embrace ‘em and werk ‘em! A really nice idea I heard recently too, was to wake up every morning and tell yourself one nice thing. Don’t overthink it. It could be that your brows are on fleek (yes I’m still saying on fleek), it could be that you remind yourself of something kind you did for someone, whatever. But pick a be-nice-to-you theme for the day, and every time your pesky inner biatch pipes up throughout that same day, you spew love all over her (like Ghostbuster’s Slimer) and re-tell yourself your nice thing for the day instead. Simples! Try it, you might like it 😉
👉 Get real.
The reality is, our interpretation of events can greatly differ from the reality. So when you feel like your head is in an overthinky, people-pleasey spin, ask yourself if what you’re processing is factual information, OR is it possibly maybe your interpretation of the information? Are things as bad as you’re perceiving them to be? Or is there a possibility you’re jumping to conclusions a wee bit or assuming the worst? Also throw in the golden chestnut question of; will this moment really matter in a week? A month? A year? In five years? Or have I done the whole overeact-y-magnifying-glass-on-my-problems thing?
Because the truth is, part and parcel of our perfectionisty, people-pleasey ways, is the insane ability to be over-sensitive about things; essentially because we need praise and approval more than any other character trait on the planet. And this is 100% me btw, I’m not throwing shade! But I am asking you (for your sanity) to just check yourself once in a while and question how real, how life-impacting and how monumental this event really is. 90% of the time, it’s moleyhills and all we see is mountains ❤️️
👉 Turn lack to luck.
If you’re feeling stuck in an unhappy slump, maybe a crevice of lack and not having what you want, focusing on said lack is only going to attract and create more lack. And that goes for every other type of low-vibe energy we put out in the world – if we’re feeling like the world’s sucky, we simply start living, and existing forever more in Camp Sucky! The cure? Step out of it! Step out of lack and step into luck. Yep, as simple as that, all by yourself 😁
But how can you do that? Well right now, as you’re reading this, think of 3 things you’re doing right. And write them down. Forget about all the stuff you’re not doing, not getting, not enjoying, and go all in on the stuff you are doing, are getting, and are enjoying. And then throw a whole heap o’ love on it.
Because essentially, when you list your achievements rather than your downfalls, you switch up your energy dial and start attracting the high-vibe, good times we dream of. I mean, even things like writing out your to-do list retrospectively works great too! Focus on the done not the not-done. Sure I may not have got some important stuff done, but man, did I whop out A, B and C today!
Switch out loathing what you haven’t done, through toasting what you have 🍻
👉 Get wrapped up in your people.
I’m ashamed to say that I very much used to prioritise my work over my personal life. Sure sometimes you have to, but for me, it was a lot more ‘the rule’ than ‘the exception. And do you know where that got me? Little Miss Hate-my-life. I always used to think I should put 100% of my energy into work, which inevitably left 0% for myself and the people that I love. Does this sound familiar? What would you say your percentages are like? If they’re nowhere near the 50/50% mark then allocate time for your relationships honey, and do it as a matter of urgency.
Whatever that allocation is, is up to you – a FaceTime, a phonecall, popping in for a cuppa for half an hour, sharing an evening, a weekend, whatever works for you – but allocate it and commit. to. it. AND REGULARLY. Don’t flake on it. It’s insanely-important time. Get stuck into their goings-on, love on them and make them feel loved. Not only will this time help you forge close, strong relationships with the people you care about, it’ll also help you gain a beautiful perspective on how you’re perhaps currently ill-prioritising your time and obsessing over your unhappiness. Plus if you don’t, before you know it, maybe they’re not around to love on, and you’ve spent the majority of your life on a treadmill.
You can be the person who is present in the moment, who’s happy in their life and in their own skin. You can be the person who’s all up for toasting this crazy season of life we’re in, who uses the positive aspects of your perfectionism to drive you, and release the negative aspects of perfectionism from controlling you. Life genuinely doesn’t have to get in the way of your happiness if you don’t let it.
So don’t let it.
I hope this week’s post has been of some value to you honey, and I’d love for you to share your biggest takeaway in the comments below too.
Big love for a flawsome week ahead 💋
PS, the jury’s still out on the bloggy-blog vs. vloggy-vlog from last week, it was pretty much a 50/50 split! 😁 So yep, I might keep experimenting and seeing what you think. To be continued!…