How to let things go and stop living in the past.
It's a totally understandable way to go about life; living in the past. I mean, it's a place we know so well, because we've been there and we know what it feels like. It's familiar and almost comforting.
So why wouldn't we want to stay there? 👉🏻 Because there's a reason it's our past and not our present!
We have a bizarrely innate talent for seeing things as way less painful/traumatic in retrospect, and this goes for physical pain as well as emotional pain (maybe it's a self-preservation thing?! I dunno). So essentially, when we have a bout of fantasising about the past and living in it, we often completely gloss over the whole reason behind why it is our past, and not our present! Almost as if that part isn't of any relevance or importance.
But it's E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G honey! And that's what we need to focus on. For whatever reason something might be in your past, remind yourself there's a really good reason why it's there and not your 'now'.
Does this sound like you?
✔ Thinking about or fantasising about exes way more regularly than you think is healthy
✔ Thinking about how amazing your life could've been if you'd just got that job/never left that job
✔ Daydreaming about where you might be right now if that business worked out/you stuck with it
✔ Wondering how strong your friendships might be if you hadn't continually flaked on them
If some or all of these sound familiar (or perhaps something of a similar sentiment resonates with you), it's pretty probable that you're using your living-in-the-past-ness as a mechanism to help you avoid addressing the issues in your present life. Which means, until you address your present problems and make adjustments, you're never going to be able to be truly happy with where you are, what you have and the life choices you've made. (And by the way, making mistakes in life are more than fine! You know how much I love mistakes 😂 it's the not-owning-them that brings the never-ending, sh*tty-side-effects).
The first step you need to take to allow yourself to let things go and stop living in the past, is to work out; what is it that's keeping me in that space? Do you maybe feel guilt or regret over something? Are you harbouring some resentment or bitterness perhaps? Living in the past is essentially a manifestation of non-forgiveness, so really take a step back and think about what you aren't forgiving, or who aren't you forgiving 🤔
The second step is to give yourself a good ol' talking to! 😁 If you're seeing all these events as just more disappointments and lost opportunities to add to your already-long-list of disappointments and lost opportunities, then you've gotta give yourself a dig my friend. Because that's not what they are at all. In fact, they're all crazy-valuable learning experiences that you should own with pride, because they've all jigsawed together to create this beauts, wibbly, squiggly adventure you're on, right this minute! 🙌🏻 If you're forever feeling like a victim to your circumstances/stuff just eternally seems to happen to you to purposely bring you down, then give yourself a slap! Everything you've created is through your own decisions – which means you also have the glorious power to change said circumstances too. Like, I'm legit excited for you! 👏🏻
So let's say you've done steps one and two; you've got a rough idea of all the stuff you've been smushing and ignoring under the carpet, and you've officially logged yourself out of the victim zone. You're now owning stuff you've messed up, and you're ready to start living in this beautiful god-damn present! 💪🏻 Rarrr!
Right, but how? 😂
You awaken the bonkers, child-like you hiding inside
While we're not trying to live in the past of course, there's no time in our lives that we were more present in than our childhood. With constant stimulation from learning all this new stuff about life, everything being exciting and having virtually zero inhibitions, we could all do with channelling our inner six year old selves a little more often to feel more alive and in the present. So cast your mind back to six year old you – what did you do for fun? Dance like nobody's watching and sing like nobody's listening? Then do that! Be silly, and free and make a tit of yourself. Perhaps you just adored sticker books and colouring-in? So go buy some sticker books, some pens, some colouring-in books and go all sticky-colourey! Maybe your favourite was tickle-fights or hide-and-seek? Whatever your jam was, bring it the hell back and enjoy it! You're alive in this very moment honey, please don't waste it on wishing you were somewhere or someone else 🙏🏻
Create your own happiness bank
I've shared this resource before, and it's been super-useful to a bunch of imperfectionistas. So just as Justin brought sexy back, I'm bringin' the happiness bank back 💃🏻 #snap
For those of you who haven't heard of the happiness bank, it's essentially a free worksheet that I've created, to be used weekly, that helps you with your gratitude noting/happiness banking. The proven theory being – when you make a conscious effort to physically write down things in your life that you're grateful for on a regular basis, you actually become more grateful and in the present moment. And as a result, you manifest more happiness in your life. You begin to notice the smallest, but most precious things in your life that you'd previously taken for granted. And everyone's a winner basically! 😁 If you fancy giving it a go, even just for the next seven days, tap the button below and you're away!
Take a small step towards creating the life you want
So you've uncovered some of the stuff that you realise you need to change in your present life, to be able to move on from the past. Now you need to work out how you're going to make your present life the most absolutely awesome version it can be. Erm, all well and good like, but how does that happen now Kez?
Well I've more treats for you my lovely! 👏🏻 My most accessed free resource, the free, life plan mini course I designed, can help you pause and really think about what it is that you want from your life in just five days. And it helps you take steps to getting there and making it happen too.
For sure, your life isn't going to just transform in five days, it takes small, consistent efforts over time to make and implement real changes. But what it will do, is give you that small step towards creating the life you want. It gives you positive movement. Which is all the motivation and momentum you'll need to be able to continue with more small, consistent efforts to make and implement real changes. So yeah, it's all about the baby steps, starting today 😇 you'll be permanently moving out of the past in no time! 🙌🏻
Use your 'in-the-past' cravings as your new 'in-the-moment' alerts
It's important to remember that this isn't a fix-all strategy, working on your mindset never is. It's never a case of; "Yes! I'm done. All sorted." It's always a continual process and a commitment you make to yourself, to sticking with a technique that brings changes in your attitude; sticking with a new habit that's helped you make some progress. So what I'm saying is, you're never going to be 'cured', because your addiction to living in the past will most certainly rear its head again. But the cool thing is, you're now equipped to;
- Notice it.
- Know what to do about it.
And that's what I mean about using your 'in-the-past' cravings, as your new 'in-the-moment' alerts 👉🏻 whenever you feel that familiar allure of the past creep up, and you're tempted to slip back into your old ways of past-living, you instead use that sensation as a trigger or a reminder that you need to work a bit harder on being in the present. You up the dancing like nobody's watching and singing like nobody's listening activities, you go to a local park and take in the gorgeousness of nature, you make a point to sit and enjoy your favourite food with people with you love. You basically remember that you're alive right now and you're free to enjoy it ❤️️
If you know an eternal liver-in-the-past-er that could do with a bit of a nudge into the present, it'd mean so much to me if you could share this with them. Until next weekend sexypants 💋