Happiness is a decision you can choose today if you want. True story.
I don’t know how many years I spent waiting for things to ‘fall into place’ and to feel ‘perfect’ so I could then feel happy, but at a guess I’d say it was at least 27 😉
And that’s not to say btw, that after that span of time, things then fell into place, and felt perfect, and then I became happy – in fact quite the opposite. My world actually bent more out of place and couldn’t have been more outwardly ‘imperfect’ if I’d tried! And this is my true story.
So what did happen after that span of time, those 27 years? – Honestly? I simply decided to experiment with the idea of not waiting anymore.
And actually just decided to start doing instead.
Now I can’t tell you the amount of times I had the internal conversations of, ‘When I get a job at that company, they’ll value me and pay me well, and then I’ll be happy. So I just need to wait until the time’s right to apply’. Or ‘When I’ve bought that house in that location that I love, and decorate it as I’d like, then I’ll be happy. So I just need to wait until I have the money to do that’. Or ‘When I get down to 8 stone, and I can feel comfortable in that crop-top, then I’ll be happy. So I just need to feel bad about every morsel of food that passes my mouth in the meantime, and wait’. And there was plenty more where these came from btw. These were a drop in an ocean of similar-sounding inner monologues.
And the funny thing is, even when one or more of those inner monologues came to be, do you think I then became happy?
Of course not!
I just made up a new ‘perfect target’ to wait for. Because it was conditional living in its entirety, and worse than that, I was living my life in the confines of a freaking waiting room; a room where I’m permanently living ‘on hold’, wishing that my name was gonna be called next. Wondering when it was my turn to move into the ‘happy’ room. It was almost as if something outside of me got to decide when I’d get to be happy. Almost like it was nothing to do with me.
Hang on a sec, what’s conditional living?
Well it kinda is what it says on the tin. It’s living your life (and basing your happiness) being attached to certain conditions. If those conditions aren’t met, then being happy is out of your control. Happiness is then just not possible for you. Or so you think when you’re living conditionally.
I didn’t realise at the time, but the very fact I was ‘waiting’, meant I was pushing any shot of happiness further and further away from me. The fact that I was waiting for happiness to come to me in the form of my conditions being met, ironically meant I was the furthest away from it than I possibly could be!
So something had to change.
As you may know from my story, this doing that I then decided on, instead of all the waiting, eventually entailed virtually tearing up the script of my existence to date. I quit my job, I ended a 12-year relationship, I sold my home and ‘borrowed’ my Dad’s spare bedroom for a bit, and decided the west coast of the US was gonna be my first bit of ‘doing’. Just your standard February then yeh? 😉 Now I have to be clear at this point, I’m not prescribing that the way you decide to be happy is by tearing up your life script, what you decide is wholly personal to you. I’d personally just spent sooooo many years burying my beef under the rug, it came back to bite me in the butt in a beefy way. (That beefy bite meant there were a LOT of unmade decisions that needed deciding all at once).
I needed to start living life on my own terms. No conditions.
Now whether you believe what I’m about to say is up to you, but this is my truth; after deciding to move from waiting to doing, my happiness legit turned on like a switch. It was that transformative. I was transformed. I was a different person, in the most unfathomable short space of time. Especially considering how long I’d been hanging out in that godawful ‘waiting room’. When I decided that I was no longer going to wait for the things I wanted to come my way, it was then, and only then, that I allowed myself to start finding my way. When I decided that I was no longer going to wait for happiness to come find me, if was then, and only then, that I allowed myself to be happy already. No conditions.
And that’s not to say that I haven’t faced challenges or had down times after deciding to be happy. Life still happens and life can still be super-hard at times. But when I think about where I am and how far I’ve come, feck me, am I happy in this gorgeously messy imperfect life I’ve created.
So yep, I just wanted you to know that no waiting’s required my friend. You don’t have to wait for anything to happen to you before you can start your version of happy. You don’t need permission to decide either. Happiness is a decision you can make all by yourself, as soon as today.*
Until next week gorgeous face 💋
*Disclaimer: this is not to downplay anyone’s experience of poor mental health. I have first-hand experience of depression and I wholly understand that happiness is not a simple switch to flick in this instance. But when you’ve put in the work and time to repair and nurture yourself, when you’re in a place that isn’t shrouded in darkness, I truly believe happiness and choosing to live your life from a place of contentment and gratitude is a decision you can make for yourself, as soon as today. You don’t have to wait for anything.