Do you always feel like your life's lacking? Read this.
If there's one thing that's become cemented in my mind since creating The Imperfect Life®, it's that our mindset is e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.
Which basically means, if our mindset is wedged in the headspace of 'lack', then we're eternally gonna feel like our life's lacking, no matter how much we 'have'. (It also means, if we want, our mindset can also change that around for us too).
So I wanna invite you to sit and think for a moment, right now, what do you feel you need to have in your life to feel 'complete'? If I could wave a magic wand and give you everything you need for you to feel truly happy, what would you list out? Feck it, why not get a pen and paper and write it out now?
Maybe you've thought of a few things that are selfless on the surface, like the health of your loved ones, or the happiness of people you care about. Of course the idea of being able to deliver those things would go a long way to making you feel happy. But more than those, I'm talking about you and your list; I'm talking about the things you have control over, but for whatever reason, aren't in your life; the things that you want but don't have – that make you feel your life's lacking.
Maybe it's wanting more money, maybe it's wanting a partner, maybe it's wanting a career that brings you fulfilment, maybe it's wanting a puppy, maybe it's wanting to eat out more or buy delicious grocery food, maybe it's wanting your dream home, maybe it's wanting a non-banger car, maybe it's wanting your own family, maybe it's wanting more holidays, maybe it's wanting a more stylish wardrobe...we could go on for days right? 😊
Whatever it is that feels like it's lacking, whatever it is that you find yourself comparing most to others, is the thing that's causing you to overlook everything that's already wonderful in your gorgeous imperfect life. In the online-life-bubbles we live in, we have a misinformed attitude that ‘If I could just have what they have, I’d be happier’.
Being frank, that’s absolute big, wobbly b*llocks 😁
Because when you’re in a headspace of ‘lack’, you’re eternally gonna feel short-changed no matter what bonus cards you’re dealt. When you’re in a headspace of ‘lack’, you’re always going to feel a sense of entitlement and expectation too. So what will make you happier? What will make you feel like your life is full of awesome and not in the least bit lacking? It’s by swapping the patterns of behaviour that keep you living in a headspace of lack, entitlement and expectation, with patterns of behaviour that keep you living in a headspace of gratitude for what you do have, not what you don’t.
So let’s look at these patterns of behaviour. What things do you see yourself repeatedly doing that contribute to making you feel crappy about your lot? Let’s play out a hypothetical pattern and see if any of it rings true;
1. You press snooze on your alarm because you’re not particularly enthusiastic about the day ahead. You end up sleeping in, waking up in a flap and dashing around to get yourself up and out the house. Why do you always feel so damn tired and lethargic after a night’s sleep? Oh and there’s no time for breakfast obvs. You’ve forgotten a bunch of important things you needed in the flappy-rush and now feel completely unprepared for your stressful day ahead. You’re late and you know you’re gonna get a snipey comment from your boss as a result. Man do you hate your job.
2. Because you’re super-behind with your work, your lunch is at your desk. Your only option to tune-out for a sec is to login to Facebook while scoffing a stale, off-the-shelf sandwich. All you seem to notice is your mate ‘checking in’ to a swanky restaurant for a snazzy client lunch, another mate backpacking in Chile having the time of their life, another mate on maternity leave blowing bubbles with their cherub in a sunny garden, and some random from school getting the keys to a brand new car. Your day feels instantly worse.
3. You manage to make it through the working day, get home late from having to play ‘catch up’ – not so much from being late first thing, but because you’ve been procrastinating and faffing most of the day, and flop on the couch without an ounce of energy remaining. Mentally or physically. Your dinner consists of four fork-pops to the seal of a microwave meal and your only solace and escape will come from a marathon binge of reality shows that take you beyond midnight.
Sound in anyway familiar? So let’s try replacing a few key behaviours and see what happens;
1. You set an alarm half an hour to an hour earlier than normal, and when it goes off, you instantly sit up. Sure it’s still a bit of a grind physically getting out of bed, but you’re already warming to the idea of ‘today’ as a concept, and doing things differently 😊 That extra portion of time has allowed you a moment to put yourself ‘together’, make a bowl of cereal and leave for work early feeling damn proud of yourself. You’re so pro at adulting.
2. You surprisingly arrive at work feeling grateful that you have a reason to get out of bed. Having a bit of space to breathe and think in the morning helped you realise that feeling needed in some capacity actually gives you some purpose. Even though you know you won’t be in this job forever, you instantly feel gratitude for it and the stuff it gives you. Your morning at work flies by and your lunchtime calls for a bit out outside air while you hunt for a fresh, healthy lunch. Popping on to social media doesn’t even enter your head – you’re too busy feeling invigorated by the fresh air, the world around you and how much you’re bossing life today.
3. You surprise yourself again by having a productive afternoon – taking a proper break at lunch did wonders, and you arrive home feeling inspired to do something different with your evening, Man, the possibilities actually feel endless! You decide on a dance class with your bestie that you never see enough of. Boy do you have some craic. You arrive home with your sides aching from laughing and dancing so hard. You head to bed early, exhausted but in a totally good way. Your life feels proper-full.
This is obviously a total hypothetical example, but can you see how a couple of minor choices, a couple of tweaks in a pattern of behaviour can totally change how you view your day? Now you’re thinking more consciously about your actions (and allowing yourself to be more in control of them), why not journal out a few patterns of behaviour that create that sense of lack in your own life? And then get creative thinking about some alternative paths you could take instead to flip-reverse it?
Most of us really do have such a lot to feel grateful for. When we allow ourselves to focus on the gorgeous imperfect life we have, rather than the perfect life we don’t, we open our lives up to unbound levels of happiness.
If you know someone who you think needs to hear this, it’d be super-awesome if you’d share it with them.
Until next weekend pumpkin-pie 💋