5 reasons you're beating yourself up, and how to freaking stop it!
Let me start by saying I'm 100% on your team here. I have admittedly partaken in self-beat-uppery on a highly frequent basis, and am very much familiar with the voice of my b*tchy inner critic.
[Man, she's such a b*tch! Is yours?!] 😂 ha!
And while I've certainly worked crazy-hard in learning ways to make her pipe down over the last 10+ years, she still knows when and where to slide in and have her most effective, most spiteful sucker-punch. And none was truer than this week when I hit my standard, post-launch slump after launching the 2019 edition of The Imperfect Life® Planner. Which deep down, if I'm honest, I knew was coming. Because I'd made the five below balls-ups.
Which makes me pretty sure, that when you're asking yourself for the millionth time...
"Why am I beating myself up?"
...that you're doing the exact same five things too. So here we have it honey, these are the five reasons you're beating yourself up:
#1. You're putting way more energy into the negative than the positive.
I'm aware this sounds obvious as I type it, but when you're in. it. – it's actually not obvious at all. You're drowning so bad in a spiral of self-criticism you can't see the wood for the trees. All you see is disaster, hopelessness and self-mockery.
So if you're beating yourself up right now, really think about how you're allocating your energy – because it is an 'allocation' too btw – what we're doing here is a choice. But just try and step back and assess how much of your time you're spending stewing on the negative (and also achieving nothing in the process may I add. I'm gonna guess there isn't a moment in existence when operating in a negative, low-vibe space got you what you wanted).
#2. You've stopped being kind to yourself.
This follows on from the first point, because a lot of this beaty-uppy mindset is to do with you neglecting yourself and your self-care in the lead-up, and what you're choosing to focus your energy on. If you've not prioritised yourself lately, if you've not done stuff that makes you feel good, I've personally learnt that your mind's gonna basicallymake you pay 'til you listen!
#3. You're comparing yourself to others.
You may be a regular at this, or you may be a seasonal shopper, but if you're in peak self-loathing mode, I'd hazard a guess that you've definitely been suffering with a dose of the ol' comparisonitis of late. Ammi right? Maybe you didn't even realise you were doing it, I certainly didn't! But look hard, and you'll find that you have. I betcha.
#4. You've forgotten how awesome mistakes and failure can be.
If you've been a follower of The Imperfect Life® for a while, you're gonna know how much my whole brand and business is based on the concept that mistakes are the lifeblood of your happiness 😁 but if you're new here and think I've lost my mind, hear me out a sec.
Imagine a life where you weren't afraid to make mistakes. Imagine a life where you weren't afraid to fail either. How much weight would that lift off your shoulders right now? How much would that fuel your fire of ambition and adventure? How much would that allow you to feel truly free and happy in practically everything you do? A lot, right? Well that's what The Imperfect Life® products do – they give you permission to make mistakes, and do so unapologetically. Because out of mistakes and failures, we gain sooooo much gold! If we don't gain competence (learning something of value to us going forward), we gain confidence (physically feeling a sense of value from the experience). It's a win-win.
But ☝️ if you're beating yourself up, you've simply forgotten that fact. And it is just that – A FACT.
#5. You've given yourself an unrealistic deadline.
K, so your high-performing, perfectionist streak in you sets some high standards to reach, and if you're honest, you probably kinda prefer it that way because it forces you to excel and push yourself. But there's high standards, and there's insanity honey. And I imagine if you're giving yourself a good ol' dig in the virtual ribs, it's because you went there – you went full insanity. That's exactly what I did, and that's exactly why I found myself where I did.
K fine, but how the hell do I stop it Kezmatez?!
Well I appreciate I may be stating the obvious here, but my sweet, gorgeous imperfectionista – you need to force/cajole/harass yourself into doing the exact opposite. It's as simple as that.
I summarised this on my Instagram stories this week too – essentially, if you wanna get yourself out of this self-created boxing ring and start thinking about the next positive step, the next exciting chapter, the potential optimistic solution – you absolutely have to turn your focus to your energy, and where you're directing it, before anything else can happen. For me this involved being really considerate to myself – being mindful what I was feeding myself, making time to move my body, forcing myself to be out in the open air and basically, only making choices that made me feel good. And I guarded those choices fiercely, as you should too. Don't be deterred or distracted when you're focusing on upping your vibes and good energy. Because y'know what? YOU. DESERVE. TO. FEEL. GOOD.
Once you start to feel yourself moving along (albeit slowly AF!) out of your slump in a more positive direction, then – and only then – can you focus on the other points.
You can work on monitoring your social media time or making a conscious effort to divert your attention from comparisonitis triggers. You can remind yourself, that if a mistake or a failure (by any definition) brought you to this dark headspace to begin with, then you have the most glorious opportunity to dissect your actions/behaviour/balls-ups, see what golden nugget you can pull from them, and use that knowledge to take with you going forward. And you can look at the expectations you've been setting yourself lately. Are they suitably high standards? Or are they bordering on insanity? If they're more the latter than the former, then honeybun, please STAHP. It's doing the opposite of what you're trying to achieve – it's actually holding you back.
Kaaaaaay, sounds do-able, so then what happens?
Well THEN my dear, you become a freaking force to be reckoned with, that's what 💪 Imagine if you made a conscious effort to pour as much energy into a positive headspace, as you've been waterfalling into a negative one. Imagine if you replaced every snide, inner-critic comment with a kind, encouraging one. Imagine if you switched from comparing yourself to others, to comparing yourself to 16-year old you and feeling nothing but pride for how far you've come, you badass you. Imagine you no longer feared the terror of failure, and allowed yourself to go after exactly what you wanted. And imagine if you chose to stop piling expectations on yourself, and gave yourself the gift of patience instead.
Just imagine, because this can absolutely be your reality ❤️️
Now my lovely, I wanna hear from you! Did you enjoy this week's read? 'Cause I absolutely LOVED writing it! Were you guilty of all five reasons? Are you gonna try out my strategy to stop it? So many juicy questions! 😁 Let me know what you think in the comments below!
Big love for an awesome, non-beat-uppery week ahead 💋