'I pledge to provide a safe place for you to be 100% yourself, celebrate your flaws and help you find your happy'.

Kerry 💋

How to live happily without expectation, and not expect perfection from others.

How to live happily without expectation, and not expect perfection from others.

This is defo a tricky skill to master, I'm not gonna lie, but even just making teeny baby steps towards living without expectation can completely transform how you look at things.

(So just imagine the liberation you'll feel if you get the knack and totally boss it! #motivation)

Maybe a project you poured your heart into didn't turn out how you wanted it to, or one of your nearest and dearest didn't show up for you like you'd hoped they would. You had high expectations of them and now you're left stewing in some pity-party-aftermath, scrambling to work out what you did wrong to deserve such a thing. Well, tbh I think I know what you did wrong:

You had high expectations. 

You were bound to end up feeling disappointed. And even if you weren't bound, you certainly put yourself in the position of being-far-more-likely-to-feel-disappointed. Now just to be clear, I'm not saying you shouldn't be ambitious and aim high in life, you absolutely should if that's your bag. And I'm not saying that you shouldn't seek and appreciate support from your homies, I 100% do too. But what I am saying, is that spreading a thick layer of expectation over the top of those things, is not going to help you, or make you feel good.

But the good news? I can help you and make you feel good.

How to live without expectation in people

Okay, so step one, as irrelevant as it may seem right now, is that you HAVE to be okay with yourself first, flaws and all. You have to be honest with your reflection, look openly at your downfalls, weaknesses and imperfections and say 'Y'know what? I'm okay. And not despite my flaws, but because of them'. When you can truly accept that you not being perfect is actually okay, and normal, and acceptable in the world of humans, needing the people around you to be perfect becomes a lot less important to you. Try it out, get in front of that mirror and get practising!

When you reach that self-acceptance, then it becomes way easier to realise that the people you have expectations of, aren't in fact your possession to be controlled, they're actually their own person. Weird huh?! :) I mean, would you/do you like to feel controlled by someone? Would you enjoy being told what to do by people you care about? Would you like to be criticised for not doing something someone else's way? Would someone nagging at you, actually motivate you to fulfil the nag? Probably not. So don't do it to them. What would happen if you didn't nag and didn't try to control them? Does nagging even make you feel good? I didn't think so, so why do it? This is especially true of your significant other, if you have one.

Live in the moment – It’s super-hard to have expectations when you’re open to anything happening.

Instead, why not try just having the craic with them? Tell them you love 'em. Tell them you think they're gorgeousAF in that outfit. Be spontaneous. Make them feel good about themselves and they'll associate you with feelings of awesomeness. Don't focus on their flaws or shortcomings. We all have them as you discovered above, and life's too freaking short for feeling rubbish about them, or making others feel rubbish because of them. Just let it go. Really focus your energy on living spontaneously 'in the moment', because it's super hard to have expectations when you're open to anything happening. 

Ironically, you not having expectations of people, actually helps you to have greater control of your feelings, your thoughts and your actions towards them. How's that for a flip-reverse-it Missy Elliott-style!? When you're not risking and gambling your emotions on hoping they do what you want them to do, how and when you want them to do it – you're actually letting yourself be more open and curious about the future and its possibilities. Your focus will switch from expectation and inevitable disappointment, to acceptance and the excitement of anticipation.

It's a win-win buddy.

How to live without expectation in work life

So let's just clear up a lil somethin-somethin before we delve into this one. Living without expectation in your career or your business, is not related to you mapping out your goals without any accountability. You should defo still do that if that's your thing. And it's not to do with not trying at something because you think you'll be disappointed if it doesn't work, so why bother starting. That's #failurefear and I can help you out with that right here. What living without expectation is related to, is removing that emotional pressure you layer on top of your beautiful professional aspirations, so you can actually enjoy the process.

K, now I'm ready :)

So how do you remove expectation from your work life? Try this out: think about something you see as a limitation for you. Are you thinking about it? Feeling frustrated by it? Wanna give it a good ol' tug by the ball-eos in annoyance of its very presence? Good. Now, try and think of it as a possibility instead; a juicy opportunity just ripe for the taking. It's now an awesome challenge to overcome and boss all over, AND lemme tell you, it's no longer something that's stopping you. How does that feel?

Expectations are in fact obstructions to getting what you want.

Y'see expectations are in fact obstructions to getting what you want. No seriously. Expectations will try their damnedest to squish your mindset in a particular, one-dimensional direction, without any visibility of an alternative route. Wouldn't it be crazy if what you wanted was actually quite easily-accessible to you from a slightly different route in? Or there might even be a super-quick shortcut, but your expectations have you so narrow-minded, you'll never ever see those routes, let alone consider them.

What I'm basically saying is, sure, set your goals, aspirations and targets, and give it your everything to work towards them, but don't be overly attached to them and feel crushed if you don't reach them in their originally-expected form. Instead, see that there's an even greater value in that awesome journey you're on trying to reach them, and crikey, there's soooo much opportunity for growth from the mistakes, balls-up and curveballs you find along the way.

Again, it's a win-win.

So basically all expectation really does, is bizarrely force you to settle for less in life. It limits your choices to what you think they should be. How do you know if outside of what you think, isn't better? More fun? More fulfilling? You don't m'luv. It's impossible to know.

Expectation inhibits possibilities. It cuts you off from any opportunities that dare I say it, could even be greater than your expectations.

So tell me, I would LOVE to know if you're an expectation-junkie! Has this helped you de-junkie-fy in any way at all?

Big love and all the feels, Kerry :D


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