'I pledge to provide a safe place for you to be 100% yourself, celebrate your flaws and help you find your happy'.

Kerry 💋

How to find the balls to go and do anything you want with your life!

How to find the balls to go and do anything you want with your life!

Oooh this one's a biggie so get the kettle on hun and grab the jaffa cakes. I was mega-inspired to write this post after finding out about Dr. Catherine Collautt and reading some of the epic work she’s done around channelling the power of your mind. 

Now before you think about closing the browser window ‘cause this sounds like some psychological ‘waffle’ that’s a waste of your time, if you’re struggling to find the balls to do what you truly want with your life, hear me out 'cause I think this could genuinely help you.

Here’s an interesting fact to kick things off;

An estimated 3% of your brain’s processing power, is used by your conscious mind. The other 97%, is subconscious, unconscious, autonomic, automatic
— Dr. Catherine Collautt

So that means, your conscious actions only consume a weeny 3% of your brain, the other 97% is on habitual, automatic pilot actions. Is that mental or what? (Excuse the pun!) In fact it's argued that the power of the subconscious is perhaps a million times greater than that of the conscious 😱 say whaaa? (Which also means, when your conscious mind is trying to achieve or work towards something, and your subconscious mind says otherwise, guess which one wins out and stops you moving forward?) 

I’ll give you an example to give this some context, and I’m going to be vulnerably honest with you here. So I have aspirations of creating something really meaningful and impactful with The Imperfect Life. I’m fully aware that to the outside world, this is just a fledgling blog at this stage, which is what you should see tbh. But I know my conscious actions and I are working our tushes off behind the scenes, to create something that I hope will genuinely help people when it eventually launches. My conscious actions have all their ducks in a row, grafting away on the daily. They're focused and driven and crazy-passionate. But! My habitual subconscious reminds me to be afraid of thinking too big, asking me things like when have you ever done 'big' before Kerry? What makes you think you can do this? It forces me to question what success might mean on the flip-side of my aspirations too – less time with my daughter maybe, greater pressure and burdens from greater responsibilities perhaps, having enough revenue to sustain more employees? You get the vibe. It's trying to keep me safe in my box, in a familiar place. It's trying to talk me out of it. And this my friend, is what resistance looks like; a subconscious mind not aligning with a conscious one.

So as you can imagine, what that does is, it makes the whole journey to wherever you want to go, a waaaay bigger struggle than it needs to be. And I suspect you might be in this struggle if you're reading this far. Whatever conflict of the mind you might be experiencing, (whether it's something like a crazy-deep desire to leave a job because you know you're meant to do 'more', but your subconscious maybe reminds you that you should stay put and just feel lucky to just have a job in this day and age. Or if it’s something like wanting to go vegan and have a super-clean, active lifestyle, but your subconscious mind reminds you of the potential time commitment, culinary-creativity required, plus the fact that you've always flaked before, and you just end up back in McDonald’s scoffing a Big Mac out of habit and self-defeat), within this inertia, this lack of progress is where you remain stuck init. Good 'n' proper stuck.

But the good news is, you CAN break this inner battle and have both minds align my friend. (And when they do, things get all kinds of fun!)

So how the hell do you get to the 'all kinds of fun' bit?

You’ve firstly gotta realise that your subconscious isn’t actually the boss of you, or your enemy come to that. In fact, how Dr. Collautt advises you to see it, is that you're the CEO and the business, and '[it’s your job] to get the most out of the most dedicated and capable employee you will ever have at your disposal'. Your subconscious. But why is your subconscious stopping you from doing the things that you most want, if they're the most awesomely dedicated, model employee? 🤔 It’s possible that they’re still working on an old project that you gave them years ago, and now, that project’s objectives perhaps don’t quite match up with your new one. (All they basically need now is a clear, concise briefing on this new project you've lined up for them). Another way of looking at it is;

Think of your subconscious as a computer: it’s going to take its programming and run with it; it’s your job to make sure that its programming is in functional, if not optimal alignment with your goals by programming, re-programming and de-bugging, at regular intervals. And in concert with your goals – as they change, as new ones arise, and so on.
— Dr. Catherine Collautt

Y’see when you dedicate proper time to get to know this super-efficient employee of yours, you genuinely become the best of buds, finally working together towards what you want, and you start to cop on that your subconscious IS on your side, not against you. When you understand that,  Dr. Collautt advises a series of steps that help you learn how to work with your subconscious so you can get your next project underway, but this time as one freaking unstoppable team 🙌🏻 [read: you can actually go and do anything you want with your life!]

1. recognise the 'stuck' feeling of resistance

The first step is pretty simple. You basically just need to be aware that some kind of inner-conflict is going on, to be able to do something about it. If you don't recognise it, you can't fix it.

2. stay humble and don’t be a know-it-all

The second step is to not assume you know everything (or anything in fact), about your feelings of resistance, or assume that you know everything about yourself either. You need to be completely open to change and learning new stuff about yourself. Pretend for a second that your subconscious has something super-wise and profound to share, because tbh it more than likely does.

3. get reeeeal specific on what you want and don’t want

The third step is about not just vaguely labelling your fears on a topline-level, but delving into exactly what your fear of fears is, and look into what your subconscious is looking for on the flip-side. You want to give your subconscious a mic and some real air-time to stand up and say its piece. And you want to hear every word of that piece. It definitely has something of value to say that you can learn from.

For example, in my case, the fear of not spending enough time with my daughter is too broad a brush. What my exact fears are, (what my subconscious is concerned about) is feeling like even more of a selfish mom than I already do for needing [and wanting] to work more; losing the awesome closeness I have with my daughter as a result; missing out on key milestones and never being able to get them back; her being cared for by other people makes her not need me anymore...the list goes on. But you get the process. You've gotta dig deep. Your subconscious is basically just trying to protect you from the realisation of those fears. It's being your most loyal employee.

4. make a pinky-promise to yourself

Once you've detailed out all your fears, the fourth step is about you needing to commit to the process of working things out with your subconscious, talking through these fears, and not trying to work against it. Making a heartfelt promise in fact. 

So basically, my promise to my subconscious would be something along the lines of 'Hey homie 👊🏻 man I'm so grateful for you always having my back, but y'know with this whole ambition thing I have going on? If in reality my 'dreaming and achieving big' means that I do realise all my worst fears around spending less time with my daughter, then of course I'll change my course in life. I don't want that for me either. If I have to make a choice between my business and my baby, of course I'll choose my baby. I promise that to you. I only want to achieve things that aren't at the expense of my family. Sooooo, are we cool? Can we maybe just dip our toes into the idea of achieving big now and see what happens?' 

The benefit of this process is that both my conscious and my subconscious are now open to my idea of success, and to going about finding it together (i.e, progress).

5. find awesome real-life examples

So now we have a 'Ah sure go on, it wouldn't hurt to spec this out' from our subconscious, the fifth step is about seeing what's true in the real world. We've got all the not-so positive examples we need of how things don't work out, so now it's about finding the shining examples of people whose lives have been enriched, not destroyed by their fulfilled ambitions. Ambitions that are similar to yours that defy the fears you have too. And this is because your subconscious will do anything that you say is possible, and it'll also believe whatever you say is impossible. So the more positive examples you find, the more you're reassuring your subconscious that what you want to achieve is a positive, possible thing for you both.

People you know, or maybe people in the public eye both count as examples. Just hunt them down and let your subconscious know about them. And don't ever be envious that these examples have what you want, be thankful that they're paving the way for you in showing you that it's possible too. Oh and by the way, if you can't find any examples, you can also be the first person to do what you want to do y'know. You can be the shining example for someone else. The only difference being that you've gotta let your subconscious know 'it's not impossible, and oh yeah by the way, I'll be the first.' Simples!

6. trust the timing of stuff instead of hating on it

Now you're armed with a stash of positive examples, step six is about going at your own pace and not trying to rush the process, or do too much too soon.

Think of it like weight lifting: what is all of a sudden adding 500lbs to the bar going to do to you? Give yourself time to build your muscles first.
— Dr. Catherine Collautt

Basically, if you don't yet have what you want, and you don't even feel close, be grateful and content with the fact that you've been gifted this time you need to grow. You've been given the benefit of this time to develop, practise and build this muscle. So when the time comes to lift 500lbs, you're more than ready for it. And more importantly, you're not gonna get squished by the weight of it either.

For the benefit of brevity, I've crudely summarised the steps here for you  😇  but the full wording is available as a free PDF download on Dr. Collautt's site if you fancy a deeper read. You just have to click on the 'Success vs. freedom' book cover and enter your email address to start the download. (I'm not affiliated with Dr. Collautt's site at all btw, I just loved the sentiment of what she wrote on this topic and it's helped me soooo much, that I wanted to share it with you too!)

If you know someone that could do with hearing some or all of the stuff in this post, it'd be so super-awesome if you shared it with them. Until next week,

Big love and all the feels, Kerry :D

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Trust the timing of stuff instead of hating on it. Kerry Lyons quote
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