7 ways to cope when you or your BFF moves away
In this particular life challenge, I’ve been the BFF-mover on the movey end of the stick, and although with that probably comes more excitement, adventure and new experiences than the typical BFF-stayer, it's still freaking hard and lonely as hell at times.
So it inspired me to write today's post and share some ideas and some of the tricks me and my homies used to make the distance feel that little bit less.
First of all, like any relationship in your life, you need to give it love and attention. It needs feeding, watering, nurturing, it needs your time investment, and it needs your effort to keep it strong and resilient. And this is from both sides. Without those things – things aren't looking so hot for you guys. But it's important to remember that with those things, which will probably come naturally to you anyway if you're BFFs – there's no reason why you wouldn't be organising your 80th birthday celebrations together in years to come. You've still a lifetime of adventure to share ahead ❤️️
K, so let's get a pen and paper and jot these down;
1. Know their time and place
This is soooo simple but soooo effective. Especially if they're pretty far flung and in a different time-zone. Simply adding their location’s time and weather to your smart phone makes checking in on them just that bit easier and that bit more thoughtful. You don't need to be worrying about working out complicated time-maths and whether they're in daytime saving or not saving. With a quick swipe and a tap, you know what time it is for them and whether they're having a crazy sunny or crazy rainy day – and we all love to chat about the weather, right? 😂
2. Remember their important stuff
Don’t let distance be the reason you forgot their birthday, the first day of their new job, that important hospital appt, their new haircut day or similar. All the stuff that you'd natter about when they were down the road, is just as easily nattered about when they're a bazillion miles away too. To be fair, with physical distance between you, it's ridiculously easy to miss stuff that's going on in their life and let that 'checking in' thing slip. Which is why you need to add every. tiny. thing. that’s going on in their life to your calendar. I personally use my mobile calendar as it works great for alerts, and you can quickly drop them a text to check in on them when your reminder pops up. Honestly, never underestimate how much a quick caring text or call means to someone 👯
3. Get busy
Nope, not that kinda busy. I mean make your schedule busy. Without your partner in crime by your side, it's crazy-tempting to crawl under a rock and fester in the hope your mate will come and rescue you at some point. But that's not all that realistic my sweet. It's 100% down to you to de-fester and make your life full and beautiful on your own. And the only way of doing that is by mustering up the energy to put yourself out there, make some awesome new friends, maybe even join an amazing group like GirlCrew and organise a meet-up at your local. It'll make coping a whole lot more bearable, I promise.
4. Have a mate-date night
We're all crazy-busy nowadays and no-one has time for anything right? Well that doesn't get any easier when there's [or what feels like] 500+ miles between you and your buddy. So to try and save the disappointment of a string a missed calls followed by busy apology texts, try out scheduling a 'slot' with you and your BFF. It's your choice how frequent that Skype/FaceTime/call is, it's totally up to your relationship and how much bants and gossip you need; once a week, once a fortnight, once a month, whatever – just both agree to set it as an immovable appointment in your calendar, and commit to it. Even if you've nothing much to say that day, you could just sit and watch Netflix together, popcorn, Maltesers and all! The point is, you need to make a point to make time for each other.
5. Save funds regularly [even if it’s just a tiny bit]
Travel doesn't come cheap, and now you and your BFF need to travel further afield to see each other, you're gonna need a travel cash-stash. So whether it's £5 a month, £50 a month, whatever (the amount you save obviously depends on how far apart you are and what you can afford.) But you need to save all the same and make it a part of your spending habits from now on (if you want an irreplaceable BFF-hug anytime soon). If they're not so far away, you might get to enjoy a trip (or a few) each year, but even if it's a faraway trip that can only happen once every three years due to budgeting, that's still one EPIC memorable trip to look forward to, to share together, and to reminisce on when it's over, as opposed to none at all. A trip isn’t going to magically appear funded by itself, and spending a chunk of QT together every so often is quite literally priceless.
A couple of other things to think about could be saving money for a cool lil' holiday that’s maybe halfway, or perhaps considering putting money aside for an emergency fund – 'cause if your mate really needs you at short notice, and you need to fly out to be with them last minute, you're gonna need some reserves to rely on. Whatever the scenario – you're gonna need some dolla, so this one's kinda key. 💸
6. Still be the dicks you are together
What are the most insane things you've done together? Think about some of the silliest past-times you've shared and re-live them over Skype/FaceTime/email or whatever you like to use. I’m talking Whatsapp-ing manky selfies of your 5 chins and flared nostrils mid-morning; choreographing a sick dance routine to an NSYNC classic mid-afternoon; regaling the ridiculous stories of things that happened to you both circa 1996 mid-evening – basically bring up the stuff that only she can 'get'. The things that have given you an incredible bond. Make sure you always do these, and on the regular. 🕺
7. Realise not all friendships last forever
This might seem a little sad and downer-y for a supposedly upbeat post, but it's not meant in that way. It's just an essential coping mechanism that has to be mentioned – being aware that some friendships do drift over time, and especially over distance, like any relationship could. It doesn't have to be anyone's fault, your paths in life just ran alongside each other for a space of time that was awesome and special, but then they had to bend away and take you in your separate directions. It's all a positive progression in life, for both of you. And what distance does do, is really siphon out the part-timers from the full-timers y'know? It makes it alarmingly clear which mates are here for keeps and which ones aren't. That can only be a good thing 💋
So are you the BFF-mover or BFF-stayer? How are you coping with the move? Have any of these inspired you enough to try them out? I'd love to hear from you in the comments :)
Until next week,